i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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