haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
