it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize