I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
