remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
