I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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