Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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