yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
