I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
