I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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