none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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