its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
