No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
