ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
