he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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