I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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