Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
