Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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