He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
