when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
