dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
