I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
