your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
