That's intense
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
