you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
