Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
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There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
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Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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