I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Couch. On fire.
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