i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
