I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sex in the backyard? Check.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
