Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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