I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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