Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
