is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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