Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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