the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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