Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
