For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
