at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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