I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
