I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
