his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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