Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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