whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
