I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
