I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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