when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
