its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
