Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The uberlube is also flammable
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
