Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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