I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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