me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
