Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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