My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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