did you get engaged???
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
