I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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