I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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