If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
