I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
