just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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