never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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