he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
