id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
