im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
