Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
