The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
