ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
