Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
