Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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