just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
