I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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