i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
