at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
