I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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