ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
