I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
