I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
