I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
