I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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