are you still at the devil's house?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
