Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(941): View more from Florida

I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"

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(201): View more from New Jersey

so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?

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(440): View more from Ohio

So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker

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(240): View more from Maryland

Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.

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(817): View more from Texas

Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"

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(719): View more from Colorado

passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud

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(347): View more from New York

i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled

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(336): View more from North Carolina

He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."

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